This is a good post. Lots of things in it merit a careful answer.

1. I don't think it's essentially "better" for children to grow in one way or another in terms of family structure. It is *best* for children to grow where they are loved, reassured and appreciated, and where their health and well being is a concern for the adults involved. Anything beyond that, I think, can be negotiated (this is, by the way, why I so dislike the yuppy parenting fads, with the books that state that unless you play Mozart to your kid and hold them in a certain way, they will grow deprived and traumatized).

That said, I think that caring for children is a huge responsibility for one adult to take, and it is easier if more people are involved - a partner (of whatever gender), extended family, friends, a supportive community. "It takes a village" and all that.

2. Indeed, if one chooses monogamy as their model, unfaithfulness can be disastrous. It can be avoided, as you suggest, by not contacting alternative potential partners, or, as I suggest, by maintaining a diverse net of social contacts, but a strong inner discipline, and reminding yourself why you committed yourself to the other person and why you should work on preserving your relationship. There are advantages and disadvantages in both paths.

3. The last thing I meant was to imply that religious people are not humans. Please, do not read that into what I said! I never said or meant to say anything of the sort! Yes, you are right. Rules of human decency don't have to stem from religion, and, YES, secular people as well as religious ones would do good to treat women - their own wives as well as any woman or girl they meet - with the utmost respect. For you, this may be grounded in biblical terms as well as moral ones (or it's one and the same). For me, it will be because all humans have a spark of the divine in them and need to be treated accordingly. For someone else, it will be secular humanistic ethics.

That said, there is a big difference between spending time with other people and cheating on your partner. I guess I don't see the "slippery slope" in your footnote as being so unavoidable. For me, one person - fantastic and close as he may be - does not entirely satisfy my social needs. While there are many activities I enjoy with my partner, there are other activities I pursue with other friends, regardless of their gender. I don't see any of these people as an alternative source of sexual or romantic partnership. They enrich my life in other ways.

4. True: people who grow up in an atmosphere of hatred and spite probably don't enjoy the harmony they are entitled to. Again, this spite and hatred can exist in families where people remain married, sometimes to a greater extent. I refuse to draw social rules about how everyone's life should be run. Some people are better off together, and some are better off apart. I would be very cautious making such generalizations.

5. I don't know what you base these opinions on. I'm a sociologist and can present you with counterexamples, Neolithic or modern. I think it all depends on how people perceive relationship, and in any case, again, would be cautious about drawing generalizations.

6. Thank you for acknowledging the difficulties in drawing limits in life; I absolutely agree. Life is an ethically tricky thing for everyone, no matter what we choose.

And hey, thanks again for this great post. It's been a pleasure to read it and I learned a lot.